With the help of Facebook memories, I was reminded of a post I wrote last year lamenting my lack of confidence at ever being able to take my autistic understanding and fit into an NT (neuro-typical – i.e. not autistic) world. In fact, as I read that, I have recently felt several people I care about incredibly, who told me I had them in my life forever, pulling away from me – and I feel helpless to do anything about it except to watch yet more people I love vanish from my life. And it hurts, and it is why I crawled into the shell-in-a-hole-in-a-tunnel under dark clouds to begin with. But I swore when I came out that I would never go back there again.
But there was a comment on that post: “Continue to follow Fernando’s lead – never quit, keep trying”. And I admittedly thought when I read that “I would follow Fernando to the ends of the earth – and I have, literally”. But then, that comment was part of the very reason I did that. Sure, I love Fernando’s voice – but he’s not one of my favorite people because he’s my favorite singer. He’s my favorite singer because he’s one of my favorite people.
Fernando Varela is an incredible example of how to be driven and focused, to live your life with a never say die attitude, yet behind all that to stay grounded in the things that are important, to understand that those things are the foundation of everything you build. Those are the qualities I admire in him, and the qualities that I work to build within myself. No, I will not be a superstar, except perhaps in my own little world – but that is and always was my goal, to be successful as me. As a very loving, awkward, clumsy, but never-say-die autistic lady living the life of my own dreams. I will get there. I will.