As I sit here this morning with tears in my eyes, and a heart overflowing with love, I have no regrets, and no hurts, more perhaps a dull sadness in the realization that what I have wanted most in my life was possibly never meant to be. It is hard to live in the realization that your fondest dreams are born in love, yet love alone does not assure that dreams come true. The hope of forging those special friendships that honor love and honor each other is maybe an unreachable dream for one born with a condition which renders social prowess unattainable. Perhaps in holding that dream as the benchmark for my success at “being a person” was an unrealistic goal.
But for a lifetime I have held that wish for friendships that are not necessarily a “best friend”, nor the one you hang out with every weekend, but one who trusts you and you trust fully, and cannot imagine your life without – yet you know it never will be. To be someone’s treasured friend… To be a trusted and treasured friend of one I also trust and treasure. To me, that is the penultimate treasure. It would be that thing that would make me feel that I had rendered autism and the challenges of my youth as truly overcome. Yet it is by all likelihood a treasure I will never realize. I know that I am not alone in that lack. Others have told me they have no such thing in their lives either. But for them, it has not been the focus of their existence. Just as some wish to be wealthy, and others wish awards or accolades, I have wished, and striven only for a lifetime to achieve that friendship… That elusive prize that to me would mean success, and bring with that success the love, laughter and sharing that only that particular relationship can offer – those things that to me are life’s ultimate blessings.
As God told me in my dream, a true friend is one who loves you, one who wants you to feel loved, and who does everything to the best of their ability for their every act toward you to only reflect and show you that love. Such a rare and special gift that is to be offered. To be able to share that gift with one who wishes to bestow the same upon you… How could anyone not see that friendship as one of God’s greatest blessings?