It makes my heart happy

One of the defining things about autistics, mentioned in every article listing the “symptoms” of autism, is that autistics pretty much always have special interests, areas that they focus on intently. While through the years I will admit to having many special interests, some of which continue to this day, I would say the one that has been the most consistent is love. I have always been fascinated by love, by acts of love, and kindness, caring, thoughtfulness. There is nothing in this world that brings me more peace and happiness than watching love at work – even when I am not personally a part of it. But I will admit to an upbringing rather devoid of personal love, so watching love from a distance was the norm in my youth. Those incredible acts of love directed at me are such a bright spot in the rather dark memories of my childhood. So now, I will admit that love is something that I long to share, yet without those foundations as a child, still feel behind in the understanding of doing that on a personal level, even autism aside. But sharing through making posters, writing, and sharing the writing and skills of others is something I greatly enjoy. I still have the same doubts that my autism seems to impose on me, even of my abilities in these areas, but every time someone enjoys something I share my heart lightens, and it tells me I was supposed to do that – that I did the world at least a bit of good, and it makes my heart happy.

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