Reflections And Blessings…

As we end this year and move into a new one tomorrow, it has been impossible for me not to reflect upon not just this past year, but the past few. Admittedly, my first response to that reflection was disappointment, as the year has not quite put me where I wish to be in my life. But as I try to look more objectively not just at my perceived failures, but at my life overall, my perspective has to change. While it is true that my dreams still elude me, frustratingly seeming just beyond my reach, what is also true is that what surrounds me, what has filled my days and my dreams is just incredible, especially considering where I was just a few short years ago.
After my father died, I really thought I might as well also. I was so wrong. If I had, I would have missed out on the best of my life (so far). And even though it is hard not to sometimes get down on myself for what I have spent a lifetime wishing for, but have been unable to accomplish, I have to stop and look at where I am, and what I have done. I have done good things over the past few years. At the same time, I have been richly blessed – to be surrounded by each of you. But as I recognize those blessings, I also must recognize the things that have grown and changed in me which have helped enable those blessings.
But in saying that – again, I must return to the blessings. I am a better and richer person for the presence of those who surround me. Despite not recognizing that until recently, I have always been a good person, but I was also a very hurting person – who, while not weak, spent frustratingly too much time and energy just trying to survive – and in that, never being able to thrive. I may not yet be where I wish I were. I may sometimes (perhaps still too often) get frustrated wondering if I will ever make it there. But I AM thriving now. And it is a wonderful sensation. And I am grateful to each and every person who has given me the strength, wisdom, and sense of direction to help me find my way here. I hope only to continue to be surrounded by all of you, and maybe – just maybe with your presence in my life, will soar past my highest dreams and go places I never dared even dream of.
Thank you all. I love you…

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