I need an ally

I don’t know what to do. I honestly don’t know what to do. I have spent six years trying to change me, not to not be Autistic, but just to be the best, most understanding, most patient me I know how to be. It hasn’t always been easy. It hasn’t even always been successful. I’m not a perfect person and I never will be. But I do care and I do try. But the reality is that Autistics, and handicapped in general, need a Rosa Parks, need a Martin Luther King, and I can’t be that. I can’t be that not because I don’t want to be, not because I’m not willing to put in the work, but because I don’t know how. I have had the hardest time just trying to be a voice for myself. How do you advocate for something people don’t understand, that they don’t really see, that they don’t know how to differentiate? How do you advocate for change in an area where people don’t even understand that change is needed? Autistics typically don’t face open bigotry as do many (though granted sometimes they do). But what they face more often is much more subtle, and hard to quantify. It is not, “you have to sit in the back of the bus.” It is more typically, “Ewww, I don’t want to sit by you.” “ I don’t want you in my life.“ “Keep your distance.“ It is, you make me uncomfortable, I don’t understand you, and I’m not going to make the effort to do so. But we don’t understand them either, only we spend our whole lives making that effort. And still, despite that we do, it often doesn’t matter. And I don’t know how to change that. I don’t even know how to change that within my own life, much less within the world at large. I need an ally… more than one, even.

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